i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
