she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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