I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
