He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
