Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
