so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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