Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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