me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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