all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
