If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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