That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you never un-have a 4some
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
