Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
