My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
