Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
