Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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