i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
