Screwed.edu
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
