I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
