Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
