I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
