Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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