that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
