i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
