I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize