So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
