Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
