i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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