i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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