i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
