You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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