it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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