so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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