i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
