she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
