dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
