I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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