just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
