Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
