I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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