So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
