We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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