Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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