pedialite and red bull = repair kit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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