There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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