watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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