I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
