He uses pillows to masturbate.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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