Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
