Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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