I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize