I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
