she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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