I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
