don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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