White coat. Heels.
sarcasm needs its own font
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
