I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
