Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
