Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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