so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
