My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
