sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
