Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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