you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
