Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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