It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
