Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want her autograph on my taint
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
