OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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