I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
