so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
