I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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