"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
