a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
