Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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