like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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