I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
