How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
