Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
